On Her Own

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How to be rude [updated July 2023]

We all know the standard safety tip offered to women: don’t be afraid to be rude. If we want to refuse a request, if we want to leave a place, if we object to being touched, then we have the right to say no and we don’t have to be nice about it. While there

It’s Okay To Be Rude

One of the challenging parts of the MUC – Managing Unknown Contacts – stuff we talked about yesterday is that it can feel really rude. MUC strategies can include brushing by someone with angry-face on and ignoring anything they might have to say, or asking them to stay away from you, or even yelling at

Why guns can be a bad idea for self-defense

The thing about lethal force, whether or not you intend it to be lethal, is that the consequences can be extremely high if we use it in ways that are not legally permissible. Watching the news and social media are not complete educations about what is and isn’t okay in the eyes of the law,

What do you want to learn today?

Much of On Her Own focuses on teaching you more about self-defense and related areas, although those of course do not make up all of the things we might need or even want to learn. Expanding our skills and knowledge is a matter of survival in many instances, but also of curiosity, of interest, of

So you want to be an instructor…

In my travels around the internet, I see a lot of folks who are interested in becoming an instructor of some type. Many, even most, are people excited about their skills, and in the self-defense space, they’re interested in passing it on to help others feel or be safe too. It’s an admirable impulse, and

Lessons from an Alabama shooting

The story of Adam Simjee and Mikayla Paulus has been floating around the news recently. As is often the case, there is some disagreement between sources about exactly what happened, but here’s the outline we’ll go with today, based on the initial Clay County Sheriff’s Office news release and early news reports. It was mid-morning

Debunking the pepper spray paradox

Pepper spray is on my mind, and in my eye, as I taught the basics to a friend this weekend and am preparing to teach a few seminars on it next month. Keep an eye here for the announcement and sign-ups; I’m finalizing details but save the date of September 17, in Epping, NH. In

Step 4: Profit!!

This past weekend, I spent two days with John Hearne of Two Pillars Training. Advertised as separate classes, Saturday was all about examining the characteristics of people who win in violent fights, and how we can learn from them to increase our own odds of success if we face that worst day ourselves. Sunday, we

On prioritizing safety and self-defense

Time is our most precious commodity. Once it’s gone, we can’t get it back. My friend, John Johnston (Citizens Defense Research), likes to tell students that when he teaches, and it’s both his gratitude for the time you’ve spent in class and a warning to spend your time wisely. It’s connected to that idea of

In the words of William Aprill

I’d like to pause today to remember Dr. William Aprill. His work influenced mine enormously, and long-time readers will recognize my frequent references to him. He passed away two years ago this past weekend, and I still frequently catch myself picking up my phone to text him a question. Instead of my words today, I’d

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